I am wondering how all of you feel when in social situations with males or females. If you read my introduction youll know a lot about what im going through and where im coming from. So how has your CSA affected your social life and or trying to be in a relationship with someone. for me i found out i have a social anxiety issue. im wondering if it is associated to my CSA. if i find a girl attractive i find it very hard to approach her, and even if i get past that point its hard to be playful and flirtatious or even emotionally attached. ive been hurt by women on several occasions in where i pursue them and they lose interest or they pursue me and lose interest. is it me? im beginning to think that is the case. its hard to laugh, be emotional, relate, and believe in people. i just feel dead inside. how can i overcome these feelings and start living a more healthy life.

sry i didnt realize this wasnt for issues regarding recovery but there it is. hope i can still get some response.

Lg,
I posted this this morning in the member's side, but I'll drop it here, because the meat of the transaction really applies here. It's by a shrink using EFT, a simple acupressure technique, for a sexual abuse survivor. It speaks about the relationship anxiety and all. Hope this helps.

http://www.eftuniverse.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=1105:peeling-away-the-layers-of-sexual-abuse&catid=29:trauma-and-ptsd&Itemid=959

Alfred

At a deep unconscious level, I regard all men-particularly those who bear the energy of my perps, as enemies who will hurt memif they have a chance. It takes overt proactive steps by me to overcome this base fear-and even then I sometimes delightt in the pain of other men who seem to have it all together-like my perps seemed to me.

Thy said, I have over a dozen men in my live whom I trust completely and I work at making safe relationships with other men instead of isolating like I did as a kid after my csa.

I can have female friends(few) but I can not talk about personal things with them, none of them know anything about what I deal with.

Regular socializing is nonexistent, I can do better with some alcohol but that's pretty rare. I can't hardly handle being around people I don't know and can't even go to places like the grocery store alone most of the time. It's very unnatural for me because I miss being able to perform or go to clubs, concerts, and other gatherings like I did before things began again to make me like this.

I have really good male friendships, most of those I call "friend" know different degrees of details concerning my past and present. I am very specific as to who I can be around, if I don't feel safe with somebody then I can't be anywhere around them.... some guys just seeing them can completely debilitate me. I can pretty much know who is safe from first contact, from there if they are safe and they have an interest in getting to know me in return, a friendship might begin. It's a process.

I've never had a problem recognizing the kind of people who are healthy to be around.

As for a real relationship with a woman.... I can't date for multiple reasons because of all that I deal with it's pretty impossible to get around all the obstacles, mostly physical stuff.

Thanks for your responses. Are there any tools i can use to help get me over this road block in my life?

I can add my experience which may help you look at tools.
I have come to realize that when I had relationships with women I was supressing the feelings of fear and just plain weirdness for lack of the appropriate term that trying to have a relationship triggered in me.
I lack that term because I deliberately refused to look at the feelings, as I thought those feelings were more proof of my defectiveness. I was "getting over and gettiong on with it" which I now know is impossible. So now I get to call them "feelings" with no specific name.
This also applies to most of my life with men friends and women friends as well. I see now that my supression was not so secret, and others while they couldn't always understand why (my supression) felt I was being dishonest with them even as I tried desperately to prove myself.

I have lived most of my life this way. It makes for a very bad emotional life. So as for tools you might research for ways to be better able to know what you are feeling in the moment. Then try to understand the source and ask a therapist how to deal with it.

You aren't alone literally and figuratively. You sound more aware of yourself than I am of myself. I think you will do fine in Therapy.

good luck